Sarcasm
by gracekathrynm537
Summary: Edward's teaching his classes when a three year old Nessie shows up with her coloring book, ready to hang out with Daddy at work while Mommy runs errands. A light and fluffy one shot, but a few Nessie tears.


"So, class, today we'll be working with the theory of evolution. Kindly write down in your notebooks what you know or have heard about the subject and stand when you have finished." I said.

Teaching my third hour Science class was my favorite part of my day. They were my brightest students, and they were exceptionally obedient. They were kind and respectful to me, I was kind and respectful to them.

Then came fourth hour.

Students painting their nails, tossing paper air planes, defiling the desks with Sharpie marker, defiling their BOOKS with Sharpie marker, and worst of all, ripping pages out of their defiled books. They were stupid, disobedient, and rude.

I was sitting at my desk, pinching the bridge of my nose, silently praying that they would all just decide to take a nap or something, when silence ensued.

I glanced up, and followed their gazes to the door.

My gorgeous Bella had her hair curled, leaving the bangs in the front and pulling the rest up into a ponytail, wore eyeliner and mascara that emphasized her gold eyes, and bright red lipstick. She had slipped into (or had painted on) form fitting jeans and a low-cut, V-neck black shirt.

I smiled. "Hi, honey."

She smiled, walked over and gave me a quick kiss.

"Rough class?" She murmured in my ear.

"You can't even imagine," I whispered back.

She laughed quietly and kissed me once more.

Down the hall, I heard little, pounding footsteps mixed with the chorus of, "Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy!"

I smiled even wider.

Nessie screeched to a stop in front of the door and bounced into the room, her little curls bopping up and down on her shoulders. She hopped up into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, then pressed little kisses all over my face.

"Hi, sweetheart!" I chuckled, holding her close. "How was school?"

"Boring," She sighed dejectedly, but then grinned. "The teacher gave me a gold star. Wanna see?"

"Ooh, show me!" I said, showing as much excitement as I could.

She dug around in her pocket for a moment, then frowned.

"It's gone," She whispered, like this was a tragedy.

I saw the tears forming up in her eyes, then I acted quickly.

Picking her up and walking toward the door after slyly snatching a sticker off of my desk, I dropped it on the ground behind me, then pretended to look around for it. Nessie raked her eyes for it, too.

Picking up the star I had just dropped, I asked, "Is this it?"

"Yeah!" She exclaimed, taking it in her hands like it was a fragile snowdrop.

I kissed her forehead. "It's beautiful, Kiddo."

She giggled and snuggled up to me, then yawned hugely.

Bella smiled at us and then said, "Nessie, love, I have to leave you with Daddy for now. Mommy has to run a few errands, but I'll pick you up at five, okay?"

"Okay!" Nessie exclaimed, blowing a big air kiss to Bella before exclaiming, "Down, Daddy, Down!"

I set her down and she ran over to Bella, lifting her arms up in the air.

A request.

Bella picked her up and smooched her gently on the tip of her nose. Nessie giggled as Bella plopped her down in my big, comfy chair, then walked over to me and gave me a sweet, lingering kiss.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nessie look at the class and mimic barfing.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" I exclaimed playfully, and Bella laughed as she took her leave.

Nessie's eyes widened and she bit her nails. Apparently, I had been taken seriously.

I grinned wickedly and said lightheartedly, trying to lighten her mood, "Fine then, I guess I'll just leave your Dora coloring book in the filing cabinet where you can't get it if you're going to be rude to your mother and I."

She immediately burst into tears.

"Sweetheart!" I exclaimed, rushing over to pick her up and pull her against my chest, rubbing her back gently. "I was just kidding, love, I'd never take your pretty pictures away. You're so good at coloring them, too. Show me the one with the Monkey…Toots, is his name?"

"Boots!" She exclaimed, giggling, wiping away the big fat alligator tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "Silly Daddy, can't remember anything!"

I handed her the book and she flipped open to page four, where she showed me her immaculate coloring.

"Very pretty," I said in admiration. "Gorgeous."

"Professor, are we just going to sit here and watch you play with your little bratty kid for an hour, or are we actually going to do something?" A kid asked, annoyed.

"Yeah!" A nail-painter exclaimed. "Your little love-fest is making me sick."

Nessie gasped in shock, putting her little hands on the side of her face.

"You sick?" Nessie exclaimed quietly.

"Daddy, that lady sick! Need to go home!" Nessie said, pointing at Sasha.

Nessie struggled out of my embrace and ran over to her, snatching her hand and pulling her, with surprising strength, out of her seat. She tugged her all the way to the door and pushed her out, called, "Feel bedda!", and then shut it. She then went to wash her hands of the sick germs.

I smiled. She had yet to learn sarcasm.


End file.
